Working Americans
From a Wall Street Sales Trader:
THERE IS NO PHRASE IN MODERN POLITICS THAT IRRITATES ME MORE THAN “WORKING AMERICANS.”
WHEN OBAMA OR CLINTON OR MCCAIN SAYS “WORKING AMERICANS,” THEY ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU OR ME. THEY NEVER ALLOW US TO FORGET THAT WE DO NOT DO “REAL WORK.”
WORK ISN’T REAL WORK, APPARENTLY, UNTIL THE LABOR IS PHYSICAL AND TEDIOUS. YOU ARE NOT DOING REAL WORK UNLESS IT IS REPETITIVE AND YOU HATE IT. WORK ISN’T WORK UNLESS YOU HAVE A BOSS TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO. WORK ISN’T WORK UNLESS YOU ARE MISERABLE.
I LIKE TO THINK THAT WHAT I DO IS REAL WORK. I LIKE TO THINK THAT WORKING TWO JOBS AND ATTENDING GRADUATE SCHOOL SIMULTANEOUSLY IS REAL WORK. I LIKE TO THINK THAT BEING STUCK IN A CAPTAIN JACK POSITION WHERE MY WHOLE BODY HURTS FROM STRESS IS REAL WORK. I LIKE TO THINK THAT WONDERING IF THIS IS THE YEAR THAT I GET LAID OFF IS REAL WORK. BUT I GUESS NOT.
I AM FAMILIAR WITH THIS MARXIST CONSTRUCT OF WORK. IT WAS QUITE APPARENT IN THE MILITARY. THE ENLISTED MAN FELT THAT HE WAS A NOBLE LABORER LOCKED IN ETERNAL STRUGGLE WITH THE PRIVILEGED OFFICERS. THE OFFICERS WORKED TWICE AS HARD, CLEANED UP THE MESSES MADE BY THE ENLISTED MEN, AND ALLOWED THEM THIS INDULGENCE SO AS TO KEEP A SEMBLANCE OF ORDER. IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT VERY FEW ELITE ATHELETES EVER COME OUT OF THE MILITARY. NO ALL STARS, NO MVP LACROSSE PLAYERS, NO OLYMPIC SWIMMERS. WHAT YOU GET ARE A LOT OF ULTRAMARATHONERS. THE SAME PHILOSOPHY ON WORK APPLIES: IT’S NOT REAL SPORTS UNLESS YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF FROM DEHYDRATION FOR SEVENTEEN HOURS STRAIGHT. TOSSING A BALL IN A NET TO WIN A GAME ISN’T ENOUGH. YOU NEED TO PUNISH YOURSELF WITH MUSCLE FAILURE, DEHYDRATION, AND STARVATION.
A PROFESSOR IN SCHOOL ONCE SAID, “YOU HAVE FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE. DUMB AND HARD-WORKING, DUMB AND LAZY, SMART AND HARD-WORKING, AND SMART AND LAZY.” HE WENT ON TO SAY, “THE WORST KINDS OF PEOPLE ARE DUMB AND HARD-WORKING. THEY GET IN THE WAY AND SCREW EVERYTHING UP. THE BEST KINDS OF PEOPLE ARE SMART AND LAZY. THEY DON’T WANT TO WORK, SO THEY COME UP WITH WAYS TO MAKE THINGS EASIER ON EVERYBODY.”
THERE IS NO NEED TO PUNISH YOURSELF AT YOUR JOB. IF YOU ARE SMART AND LAZY, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO WORK, IF YOU WANT TO BE A SLOB TRADER THAT SCREWS AROUND ALL DAY AND MAKES MONEY FOR FIVE MINUTES, THEN THERE IS ONE TRADE FOR YOU: SHORT BONDS. IF YOU ARE A “WORKING AMERICAN,” THEN THERE ARE PLENTY OF TRADES FOR
YOU: LONG SEMIS, PICKING A BOTTOM IN FINANCIALS OR HOMEBUILDERS, OR SHORT ENERGY. GO AHEAD AND SPIN YOUR WHEELS AND PUNISH YOURSELF WITH THOSE TRADES.
YOU CAN CALL YOURSELF A HARD-WORKING TRADER. DRINK YELLOW BEER OUT OF A CAN WHEN YOU GET HOME AT NIGHT.
THE BETTER PATH IS TO DO AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE AND MAKE AS MUCH MONEY AS POSSIBLE. SELL BONDS.
