http://www.chilloutzone.de/files/08040701.html

In one episode of “Cheers”, Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this¦

“Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is the lowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.  This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

Count the number of passes…

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a “Gripe Sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the Gripe Sheets right before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas’ pilots

P=Problems submitted by pilots on Gripe Sheets
S=Solutions as described back to the pilot by the maintenance engineers

(By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF a lways inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last……

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0312084kristen1.html

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